Here are the 5 steps you need to follow. They sound simple, but there is nothing simple about them for most, as this is an entirely unfamiliar way of being. Entire books have been written on each of the steps here, but it is important to have an overview, or a roadmap, to know how one can get from Point A to Point B, even if that roadmap is for something invisible like one's internal state of being:
1. Set you intention.
Meaning: DECIDE to do XYZ (say for example, increase your patience), rather than remaining in a state of constantly wondering "How do I [increase my patience]?"). You fill in the blank for your intention - your decision. State it in a positive, not a negative, so you are clear on what you are working towards, not just what you are trying to eliminate.
2. Go deeply into the parts of you you are desiring to change.
Let's use our example, the impatient part of you.
Feel the impatience fully as an emotion when it comes up (because it will come up again - it has before and it will continue to - your decision is just the start of the process of change). What mix of emotions does it bring? Agitation? Frustration? Aggravation? Annoyance? Other?
Feel it as sensations in your body when it comes up. Does your body suddenly have a lot of negative energy that is compelling you to MOVE? Do you feel sensations in your gut? Your chest? Anywhere else? Do you actually lose touch with your bodily sensations in this state of being?
Feel the thoughts that come with those feelings/sensations. These thoughts are simply the interpretation your mind is providing you for the emotions and sensations that arose within you, based on your current perspective on what is happening outside of you. Notice thought patterns you have when impatience arises within you. What tone do they have? Negative? What beliefs are underlying those thoughts? Can feel into whether those thoughts reinforce the feelings and sensations you have?
Doing this step requires WELCOMING the part of you into your awareness that you want to change instead of REJECTING it. It requires HOLDING SPACE for your emotions and sensations. This means neither preventing your inner experience from arising (impatience), nor reacting to it (say, yelling or rushing around). Yes, this is counter-intuitive to the mind. But this is why so many people fail and why we need a new, more effective way of being. This is what makes this step hard. But by increasing your emotional capacity, you increase your well-being by increasing your ability to have more choices available to you (essentially, you no longer become the emotion which is in control of you, you learn to experience the emotion and be in control of experiencing it). Often times, we have been so habitually repressed and disconnected from our own emotions that we CAN'T access them no matter how much we want to. If that is the case, you can use methods that tap into your emotions without requiring your conscious mind, such as Somatic Bodywork and Emotion Code work.
A good summary of this step is "That which we resist, persists" or "You can't change what you can't face." By fully accepting the impatient you - by noticing it, by feeling it, you become fully conscious of that part of you, and see what its value has been for you (it has served you in SOME way or you wouldn't have ever been impatient, right?) which allows you to begin to let it go out of your life.
3. Identify the underlying driver(s)
Once you are fully conscious of this part of you, you can see what is driving it, what is underneath it.
There will be layers, like peeling back an onion, for this step. It probably won't happen as quickly as you'd like - its a process, and the process will unfold as it will, regardless of any timeframe you try to put on it. What is underlying at the very core is pain, an emotional wound, a hurt. Any dysfunction, or pattern that takes our power away, is driven by unresolved pain of some sort. It could be as simple as the pain of not accepting this part of you, which causes fragmentation of the Self (a lack of a feeling of wholeness), or a dysfunctional belief you have long held about how this world works (the meaning you have given to certain experiences). Or, it could be as complex as it being a hurt stemming from an unconscious early childhood experience that remains unprocessed. For example, I have learned that my impatience comes around with family members and it largely stems from dysfunctional beliefs like "productivity is the utmost thing that gives my life value," and from an unconscious desire to not get too close to people which in turn comes from my fear of loss after the death of my parents, and it also stems from physical issues that effect my nervous system that I was using as fuel for my own self-judgement and was not dealing with.
4. Heal the underlying hurt.
Sometimes, just becoming conscious of the underlying hurt (bringing it into your awareness) is enough to heal it.
But if its a larger issue, it may take more than that. Step 5, and even Step 4, may require healing methods that help you bridge your unconscious mind to your conscious mind. The unconscious mind is far more expansive than our conscious mind (think of conscious mind as the tip of an iceberg, and the larger portion of the iceberg underwater is the unconscious mind; the subconscious mind is the part of the iceberg that is right at or just below the water line). EFT/tapping is one of the easiest and most effective methods. You can even find tapping programs for resolving specific issues, like food addiction. Other methods include guided imagery, Depth psychotherapy, Shamanic journeying, Emotion Code work, Somatic bodywork, and so on. Every method I recommend is a method I have personally experienced significant benefit from, so is one I can truly vouch for. This is not to say other methods are not effective, but they are either methods I have not tried yet, or they are methods that had little benefit for me personally, and everyone is truly different. For example, I have tried hypnosis, and while I believe in its effectiveness, it didn't get me very far right off the bat. So I encourage you to explore beyond what I suggest if you feel a pull towards other healing methods.
When you heal the underlying driver, you make space for something new to come into your life. The absence of impatience IS patience. And it all started with your decision to bring that new thing into your life.
Enjoy the process.